Home » Blog » Breathing


27 October 2009
When I think back on the hours that made up today, I take a deep breath and calmly repeat, “BREATHE, DAMN IT!!!!! BREATHE!” I try again…”CALM THE HELL DOWN! BREATHE!”  I try once more, fail again, and then just say, “Aww, screw it. At least it’s over.”  Here’s the thing.  I realize that my path will not always be the path that others agree with, approve of, or can even tolerate.  But, put that mushy stuff aside for two seconds and let me vent: I freaking HATE the feeling that boils up inside me when someone questions the dedication that I have to my daughter…  “Be sure she’s not just an item on your to do list” was the general statement.  A TO-DO list?!?!? MY little girl?!?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?  While I understand that this person has years of “experience” with children, I was so hurt by the assumption that because I have chosen to live a life that is fulfilling to both Ellie Graye and me, that I’m putting her in the fast lane.  I live on a farm – HELLO!  I love growing, learning, and developing the person I am, the mother I am…but the manner in which the message was delivered was just plain hurtful.  You can rock and sing your child to sleep every night, but the next morning destroy any sense of security, love, stability and safety in one simple sentence.  THAT my friends is the parenting insight I’m taking with me from today.  I hope to process this in a manner that will stay with me…because, boy, oh boy, it SUCKS to be on the other side of hurtful words.
Despite the yucky feeling that seemed to have taken up residence in my belly for the day, it was awesome to see so many of my friends speak up in the discussion on “sleep training” (that’s what instigated the whole commotion in the first place).  Many of the Facebook moms put in their two cents, and, while not all of our choices for feeding, sleeping, and child-rearing have been the same, the openness that everyone showed was really astounding.   The “advice” that came in the form of their own personal experiences was such a breath of fresh air, and there seemed to be a general feeling of camaraderie that I’m not sure I had yet felt with other mothers.   Whatever our weaknesses in parenting are (which I’m sure there are plenty), there is strength together – thank you, friends, for encouraging me to not second guess myself, to listen to my own heart, and to stay strong on the path I have chosen!
Phew. That’s done.  NOW I can take a deep breath.  That’s the beauty of writing, isn’t it!  It’s so cleansing!
Frank is doing better today, I think.  He’s urinating regularly, eating regularly, and drinking regularly.  His manure is still funky, and his legs, sheath and belly still swollen, but those would logically be the last to get better.  We’ve got no idea what it is, so I’m just hoping for the best.
They’re smaller than they were!

The edema under his belly

A closer look

The rain kept me inside most of the day, but I still went out to give Frankie his medicine, and do a once-over to be sure he hadn’t taken a turn for the worse.  Since it was pouring rain, I decided that it’d be fine to check him in his stall…what I failed to think through was that Avdou does NOT like it when I give Frank attention and not him…so, as I was bending down feeling Frank’s hind legs, Avdou took a good, strong bite of his ass. Frank went flying, I went flying, and Avdou, after seeing the look in my eye, went flying.  Frank, being the horse that he is, attempted to avoid stepping on me, and while he didn’t crush me beneath his feet, he did manage to nail my knee and my thigh with some part of his body.  No idea what body part hit what, but lord almighty, I’ve got bruises everywhere and a big ol’ lump on my head that just appeared out of no where! Oh, the joys of farm life!
SOOOOOOO…just because I didn’t have enough going on today, I continued preparing for Friday’s Halloween party.  I added to the decorations in the living room, made ID tags for appetizers, made the ID tag holders (which are mighty creative, if I do say so myself), made the bread bowls for Jeffrey’s Hannibal Lecter heads, prepped the blackberry/thyme juice for the margaritas, and racked my brain to figure out what else to make for hor d’oeuvres!

Infusing the vodka with Jalepeno Peppers for the SexyWoman Punch

Hannibal Lecter Bread Bowls

Straining blackberries for the Blackberry-Thyme Margaritas

My clever name tag holders 
(plastic skeleton hands from Dollar Tree, wine corks from our bar)

So, now it’s late, and I’m tired, and tomorrow I have more of the same…and in the words of Anne Shirley, “Tomorrow is always fresh and new with no mistakes in it.”  *boy, I quote her more than I quote the Bible!* 

Ellie told me she wanted to go swimming a second time today…
she even went and got her swim suit!!!

Blog , ,

4 Comments to “Breathing”

  1. One thing about parenting is for sure, anyone thinking, wondering, reading and pondering is not neglecting. There are so many ways, arent there. Someone here recently told me her mom used Dr. Spocks methods which I guess have been way out of date for forever in the States. When I dared say that they dont use them in the States anymore, poor thing, though I didnt mean to, she was offended because that is the way she was raised. You have a beautiful daughter and it is obvious she is a happy girl. I love the swimming. Bela asked me as we watched the video why I waited until he was two!! I think he was a little jealous.

  2. Melissa, I am so sorry someone thought it was appropriate to question your devotion to your daughter. I barely know you but it’s 100% obvious that Ellie is your LIFE! We don’t even have kids yet and I’ve already learned that sleep is a touchy subject, however, I have also learned that there are respectful ways to discuss differing views and I’m sorry that’s not what happened in this case. You know in your heart that you are doing what is best for your daughter and I hope you don’t give those hurtful comments another thought. On another note, I love your blog! I get tired just reading it, LOL, I can’t believe how much you accomplish in a day!

  3. So I think this is my favorite post…but they all are. You just need to laugh at someone doubting you and ANYTHING YOU DO with little M…….EVERY child is different and what ever works best for you…is what works best! Have a wonderful day! <3…Hugs Dana

  4. oh stop whining. you decode your day on a silly blog thinking to share what you must consider profound thoughts and insights. Then someone says something and you throw a blog-tantrum. Hope you are all better now. WTH did Google send me here?

Leave a Reply